Sad Lil' Polar Bear

(a picture from a story book/video about Little Polar Bear)

Sad Lil' Polar Bear wonders alone along the artic pole looking at the Arctic star shining brightly amongst the colorful aurora..life becomes silent...All's quiet..Lost...

Yeah, that's what i am feeling now..i failed one assignment..feeling kinda sad now...no talking about issue of the eh-hem (as i like to call it)...

More about myself tonight.. i was wondering, all this while how did i manage to get through university?

out of sheer intelligence?

maybe not, but maybe too? why? For example, if i study Marketing Analysis i get 11 marks (full) but if i don't study, i get 10.2 out of 11..

So?

Don't care la.. Studies has never been a priority of mine. I dislike it. Yes!, truth is i like to learn new things, but i don't like to study it, Unless! i have a strong interest for it. Then that's different..XD

Either way, so far, i have walked along the cold Arctic Pole and discovered things. Life is as thin as the ice below a polar bear's paws. As cold as the wind of the North and good animals are hard to come by.

In my life, there are a few people whom are the best of their clan and support me through and through (and you guys know who you are)..Sadly, at times they have to remain hidden or constantly in trying to survive.

But as a little polar bear, i am aware of all these bad things; i am ware of the good things; somehow, i don't feel like giving a damn! and the old bears call it "being carefree"..i am a determine one who can do anything as long as she sets her mind to it. There was one stage i believed i could change what could happen next. 

Now?

i believe that i could change what happens next, just that, whether it will happen as i want it is not for me to decide. So what do i do? i play and explore and relax. So much so, i take things easy. 

The only weird thing is, i shouldn't be sad about failures. The only time in my whole entire life i have ever taken anything so seriously was since Jan 2009 till today. The times when i went through rough times and the times when i had to take 5 subjects (how does it feel like? imagine taking 20 subjects for SPM) 3 times the stress. 

Why?

1. it cost to learn

2. times wasted to re-learn

3. people might end up taking your place in the work field

Its all about surviving..all in making it through the jungle out there (in my case, Arctic out there)

but how did i make it all this while since secondary till Uni? i always thought i'll be a drop out in secondary..and look, i'm in Uni..and now that i am in Uni, i do feel like dropping out for a while, for about half a year, the dive back into studying..for fun? NO!, to ease my mind.

If only i needn't to walk the Arctic circle alone, 

  then maybe the snow would feel soft and comfy;

If only there is someone to come along in the walk through the Arctic circle,

  Maybe the biting feeling in my paws wouldn't feel so painful after all;

For it is in this Arctic circle, 

  that life sometimes feels unbearable;

For it is in this Arctic circle,

  that life sometimes feels so terrible.

If only i needn't to walk the Arctic circle alone,

   then maybe life would be a little brighter during the nights

   a little more warmer during the day,

   and a little more memorable every step of the way.

But what more can i say,

   for i walk this Arctic Circle alone;

Looking at the Arctic star,shining upon the Artic sky;

  so beautiful so bright, in the Arctic night, with 'em pretty Auroras,

Till the end of the night.

(Poem created by me)

(picture done by olga titled Polar bear and the star)